Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The peculiar employment of Brienne Pedigo

Jobs are a funny thing. Some people enjoy their work. They like going to an office, making copies, sending faxes and speaking in business-related acronyms to colleagues. These people largely suck. Their character-traits are about as interesting as the index to the yellow pages, and they hate things that most Americans hold dear (like malt-liquor, pornography and racially-insensitive jokes). Not only do these people enjoy cubicles and data-entry, they actually show prowess in these pursuits. They enjoy paper work and are good at it.

Other people hate their jobs and their performance reflects this attitude. What these people lack in motivation is made up for in humor and hangout-ability. Slackers are fun. They enjoy encased meats, booze and masturbation jokes. There is nothing to not love about underachievers. This sect of Americana can normally be found avoiding supervisors whilst slouched in cubicles, fucking up orders at any number of coffee houses nationwide, or just getting ripped and perfecting their latest DJ mix of the new Roots album.

The only downfall (if you could call it that) to slacking this that your career options are more limited. Passion and initiative are needed to obtain certain jobs. You can't just sign up to play professional baseball. You don't get issued a "CEO card" for watching DVDs of Blossom while stoned in your basement. You can't show up in court with a working knowledge of Law and Order: SVU and hope to be christened a lawyer.

Most people accept this as the outcome for their underachieving. Then there is the odd case of Brienne Pedigo.

The intrepid pit reporter for ABC/ESPN IndyCar Series' broadcasts may be the most untalented person to be given a mic since ESPN thought Chris Spielman could string together a coherent sentence. This season is Pedigo's second aimlessly wondering the pits of IndyCar events and, if anything, her skills behind the mic and ability to react to changing situations have retarded since last season. Anyone who was witness to the interview she conducted with Graham Rahal after his St. Pete victory knows the pain she can inflict. She is the broadcasting equivalent of shitting the bed. Whenever her voice is heard there has to be a collective "bold your breath" sentiment among those in the ABC/ESPN production truck. She is like an woefully ineffective closer in baseball. You know she is coming and there is no stopping it. You know she is going to get rocked. She does for racing coverage what Joe Borowski does for the Indians. Nothing. Brienne Pedigo is harder to watch than Schlinder's List.

Wow. That was strangely therapeutic.
With all that said, Brienne Pedigo should not be held responsible for her dismal performances during IndyCar coverage. Someone had to hire her. Right? This is the fault of the higher ups at ABC who think/thought she could do an adequate job spot reporting at a major motor race. Clearly the people who make hiring decisions inside the Disney media empire either don't require demo reels or just think anyone with tits must be qualified to report on racing. This is incredibly ignorant, plus does a huge disservice to the sport itself. Case in point, here is Brienne Pedigo's resume as posted on briennepedigo.com:

ESPN Pit Reporting: Indy Car Series
USAC Pit Reporting: USAC Thunder on The Outdoor Channel
CBS Sports: The NCAA Final Four-Man on the Street Reporter
ESPN: PBA-segment writer
Panther Racing: Timing and Scoring

Frank N. Magid training
Live Reporting
Broadcast Writing
Production Background
Interview skills (from Grammy nominees, to Indy 500 4-time Champion, to "Joe sports fan" on the street
Knowledge of ENG equipment

Graduated Cum Laude from New York University
BFA in Theater/minor in Journalism

--Charismatic --Good storyteller --Quick learner

--Passionate --Fact finder --Team Player

--Outgoing --Flexible --Personable

--Determined --Multi-tasker --Dedicated

--Hard working --Goal-oriented --Sports enthusiast

How's that for some light reading? A theater background and USAC reporting is great, but from that to network coverage? Come on.

The IndyCar Series is trying to build a fan base and assert itself as relevant in a saturated sports market. Everyone involved in (any) sports coverage needs to be well versed in that sport and (for those on camera) have smooth delivery and the ability to be clear and concise. Pedigo lacks these characteristics and someone at ABC/ESPN should have been coherent enough to see this. Pedigo is an attractive woman, but so is Jamie Little, who is good. Little is proof that you can have sex appeal and have mic-skills above that of Corky from Life Goes On.

Pedigo's hiring would be like me getting hired to perform surgery. On camera. While wearing a firesuit. And talking about it...Man, that would be sweet. If only my father had once owned a successful "surgery-team" (we'll call that "surgery-team,"um... Panther Racing, for the hell of it) maybe this dream could come true.

Bless you Brienne, you are a role model to underachievers across the nation.- At least all those who graduated Cum Laude from NYU. Slacker.

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