Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Bernie Ecclestone pulls a Ricky Bobby. "If you're not first, you're last." The F1 boss has plans for a new points system that would award gold medals to race winners. At season's end, the man with the most gold wins. What happens in the event of a tie? Not discussed. Donovan McNabb rejoices, FIA to vote.

Ecclestone expects gold medal plan to be in place for 2009 (ESPN)

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

One of two ways

"This really rocks."


"This is really sucks."

95% of all new ideas will wind up with one of the above statements directly applying to them. Things either fucking kick ass or blow major boner. Rarely is there a middle ground. It's pretty black and white, clear cut, cut and dry, and so forth.

'Middle of the road' has shrunken to the size of the middle class in this country. (That was topical political humor.) Look at television and movies. I can't name a mediocre show or picture that was made in the last five years. The stuff churned out by the Goldsteins and Winebergs of Hollywood all fall on the opposite ends of the sucking line graph spectrum. Let us look at last night's (11/25) TV listings to illustrate this phenomenon:

*Key: FR=fucking rocks; FS=fucking sucks.

House (FR); Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (FR); Rehab: Party at the Hard Rock Hotel (FR. Seriously, watch this show. It's on TruTV and follows around waitresses at the Hard Rock in Vegas. Their uniforms are bikinis. It's a cheep thrill, but I'm a cheep guy.)

Everything else on last night was horrible:

Dancing With the Stars (FS); The Mentalist (FS); NCIS (FS); Fringe (FS)...

Full disclosure: I've never seen any of the 'FS' programs. You know why? Because they suck. There is no possible way The Mentalist is good. So I don't waste my time. I guarantee all of the above shows are disasters.

And that's just TV. Movies are more glaringly one-of-two wayed.

In the past five years, Superbad and The Departed are the only incredible things I've seen. Everything else sucked. (Possible exception given to a few other Seth Rogen films that weren't awesome, but still kind of enjoyable, in a 'if I laugh does this make me guy?' way. But, this would screw up my argument, so these films get omitted.)

This trend is present in everything. Sports? You bet. Trades never have middle ground. Your team either gets a stud for next to nothing or gets stuck with Ron Solt and some other 'pud to be drafted later.'

I have been thinking about how to apply this paradigm to the USAC news about road racing the new "Gold" Crown car. The car is supposed to debut in 2010 and, for those who haven't seen the design, here are some images.

A full field of these things, with live solid axles bouncing around twisty bits could be pretty damn impressive. more importantly, it could be entertaining. On the other hand, a halfhearted group of oval-specialists trying to figure out how to road race a car not suited for the discipline could border on comical. In short, it could suck.

The manufactures need to insure that these things will not be total dogs when turning left and right. That doesn't mean there's a need to outfit hideous wings all over the cars, or to make the suspension package so complicated that an Indy car team couldn't dial them in properly. No, they just need to create a somewhat neutral handling car that can be tossed about the corners and can run in packs. It's a simple concept, really. Hopefully the guys at Riley Technologies, Devin Race Cars and this new Bruce Ashmore company will be able to engineer these things to functionally not suck whilst road racing.

If USAC is serious about this road racing thing, they should really jump in and not ass around. Make a championship supplement for the road course events. Schedule more than a few non-oval races. Make teams and drivers really have to figure out road racing to seriously compete for a title. USAC has a corner on the open wheel oval racing market. Branch out a bit and make this something different and unique.

With the IndyCar Series moving to a more balanced schedule, it's in both organizations best interest to make the Gold Crown series as relevant as possible. Relevancy means balanced schedule, and a car that fits somewhere on the IndyCar Series ladder system.

In short, USAC and chassis designers; don't make this suck. That would really easy to accomplish. Make this series and car fucking rock.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Shafted by "Trackside"

We haven't listened to talk radio for two years. Let's just say we had our fill of the medium. In a past life, the "royal we" was employed by a msm outlet that featured more local talking-head blowhards and national fist-sitters than a weekend real estate conference in Schenectady. Sure, it was fun to cover some sports, but not that fun. I mean, this station aired Rush Limbaugh for like, hours on end. Who knew that guy was still alive? Really? Rush. Come on.

So, it's not terribly surprising that "Blogger Night" on TRACKSIDE with Curt Cavin and Kevin Lee (1070 The Fan, Indy) came and passed without our knowledge. "Noteworthy" motoring blogs were represented, with their founders pontificating about everything IndyCar Series. We've never listened to TRACKSIDE, but know they have a good little following. In fact, Cavin scribes a weblog over at that's decent. (We've linked it, so it must be awesome!)

Alas, our fair site was omitted from "Blogger Night." No email. No call. Nothing. We feel slighted. We're like the kid who wanted an action GI Joe Talking Bandit III for Christmas, but got a subscription to Highlights instead. This sucks.

Maybe our invitation was lost in the mail. Maybe our predisposition of using ethnic slurs and misogynistic diatribes to describe the latest in motor racing news caused the un-vitation. Or was it the fact that Robin Miller (indirectly, directly) shit on Cavin during our interview with the Speed star? Did we spend too much time posting on baseball recently? Why the no call?

Members of the Rb nation unite. Inundate Cavin's inbox with your displeasure. Or call him at (317) 444-6409. Tell him we will not go silently into the night. Viva la Rb.

This could be the first blog battle we've waged. It makes us feel warm all over.

For those interested you can Listen HERE to the program in question.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

When NASCAR fans push

Deadspin gives us a terrifying view into the grandstand happenings at Homestead. Hint, it involves a guy getting pushed, then doing nothing, except for being a bitch. (Originally posted at Fandome.)

If you happen to know the crux of this scuffle, let us know. We're thinking the two disagreed on the impact of FDI and economic growth.

Knievel themed comedy hour

There is no better way to kick off a hump day AM than with some mildly racist, antisemitic humor! Take it away Bruton Smith lookalike!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Ridebuyer FAQ

Q: When/where/how did the site come to being?

A: Well, I'm glad you asked. Please come in, have a seat. Can I get you something to drink? No, you sure? I have Fanta. (Pulls can of soda from fridge.) Hey, your loss.

The blogspot-juggernaut known as Ridebuyer was born in a small cubicle inside of a large building. Therein, during the monotony of making copies and faxing things, a voice from the heavens rained down. "Write about motor racing," it said. "Sports bloggers are not losers. Do it." It was not unlike the scene in Fight Club when Tyler Durden first explained the'Club' to those fat loser guys. In fact, it was just like that.

Q: Why motor racing?

A: Look, I follow a lot of sports. I like most sports. I was even paid to cover the NHL for a star- crossed few weeks. (What a crazy time to be alive that was.) But, motor racing is different. This is the sport I grew up following. Plus, I thought the sports blogophere was void of profanity laced motor racing themed tripe.

Q: Is this a NASCAR site?

A: Nope.

Q: You have such an extensive understanding your subject matter and articulate it so well, you must have some serious cockpit experience.

A: Thanks, that's not a question, but thanks. I had a woefully mediocre career in karting that ended with me cartwheeling down a frontstretch and coming to rest on a grassy knoll. That ended that. I still have a track car that comes out for occasional lapping days and autocrosses. But, no Indy or Le Mans. Shocking, I know.

Q: What's with the Mario banner? Are you implying he was a ride buyer? Wtf?

A: No, I just like the picture. It is kind of ironic, I guess. One of the best atop one of the worst. But, I'll keep the picture up until somebody makes me take it down (probably through an injunction of some kind).

Q: Do you ever feel like an ass for anonymously posting critical things about people who have no way of contacting you to tell you to shut the hell up?

A: No I don't. Because that's not true. My email has been posted here since day one. It's marshalljlongatgmaildotcom.

Q: Do you really have Robin Miller's number in your cell?

A: Affirm.

Thus ends the totally fabricated FAQ section of the post. No one asked these questions. It was just me, asking myself things. Cat out of bag.

Which Johnson had the better weekend?

Here are your options:
Eagles Defensive Coordinator Jim Johnson.

The Iggles played a vital role in the first tie the NFL has seen since 2002. Against the Bengals. Yes, the one-win, hopeless, hapless Cincinnati Bengals. The Eagles' D let some fellow named Ryan Fitzpatrick go 29-of-44 for 261 yards. TJ Houshmandzadeh had 149-yards receiving. The plus for Johnson here is that the tie can not be attributed solely to his D. The Bengals were forced to punt 11 times, and Fitzpatrick was sacked eight times. We'll give Johnson a "B-" for the weekend. Hey, at least he knew games could end in a tie. So we think...

South Florida Playboy, former footballing coach, and current TV talking hair Jimmy Johnson.

We have two reliable sources who placed Johnson, after his Fox duties ended Sunday, partying at a Sunset strip club with Frank Caliendo. Our sources say Johnson was 86'ed after a private dance ended with no release. He was heard saying, "If you're gonna talk the talk, you better walk the walk!"as he was tossed to sidewalk. Caliendo stayed and said, "Turducken" many times. The waitstaff laughed. We'll give Johnson an "A-" solely because he opted for the private dance, and not the champagne room. He is a man of the people.

Three-time NASCAR Champ Jimmie Johnson.

The guy won his third straight Cup title on Sunday in mediocre, don't- rock- the- boat- fashion. Dude finished p15. That's not terribly impressive. Travis Kvapil beat the guy on Sunday. So did Bill Elliott, who is approximately 76. Come. On. Three in a row is pretty cool, but Jimmie, do it with some style. We'll give him a "B" for the weekend.

So, drumroll... The best Johnson weekend award goes to... Jimmy Johnson, and his totally fabricated weekend involving strippers and a guy with a terrible show on TBS. Outstanding.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Weekend recap: Championship hardware dispersal edition

A triumphant and much needed period (.) can now be placed on 2008 NASCAR season. Exhale. Three titles were handed out in SoFLA, none of them went to "Hot" Carl Edwards, and as per norm, the most interesting racing of the weekend came from the Truck division.

Edwards led the most laps and won Sunday's Ford 400, but he still ended up 69-points adrift of Jimmie Johnson, who finished p15. As anyone who watched a college football game on ABC/ESPN over the weekend knows, this was Johnson's record-tying third straight Cup Series title. Cale Yarborough won the crown from 1976-1978.

It's tough to see where this title will stack up in the greater hierarchy of motor racing achievements. It's not our place to draw such conclusions. The pantheon of motor racing accomplishment is filled with successes. And one day after Johnson's hat trick is too soon to assign this feat a spot in history. Of course, some people disagree. Here's where the experts are stacking Johnson's titles. (Chuckles.)

The Way It Is/ Johnson joins the legends of NASCAR (Gordon Kirby)

Johnson wins third title in a row to match Yarborough (Sporting News Wire Service)

Johnson outsmarts competition to claim third straight Sprint Cup (Lars Anderson,

Three down and more to go? Johnson, 48 team, might just be getting started (Ed Hinton,

The same sort of deal happened on Saturday during the N'Wide race. In that Edwards won the race, but come up lame in the title. Clint Bowyer finished p5 to take that crown.

Edwards wins race, but Bowyer takes Nationwide Series title

13 years ago, Johnny Benson won a NASCAR title in the Busch Series. On Friday he notched title # 2 in NASCAR's #3 series. The points battle between Benson and Ron Hornday was the stuff of legends. Benson finished one spot ahead of Hornaday in Friday's race, and that gave him the seven point edge he needed to take the crown. Cheers to him and all of Bill Davis Racing.

Watch the final laps:

Benson holds off Hornaday to win Truck Series championship

There were really only two class titles on the line during Sunday's NHRA eliminations from Pomona. Pro Stock Bike and Funny Car is where the drama of sorts took place. When Tony Pedregon took out Robert Hight in round one, the FC title was secured for his older bro, Cruz. This is Cruz's second title, and his first in 16 years.

Eddie Krawiec won the Bike crown. Previously awarded champs were Tony Schumacher (TF) and Jeg Coughlin (PSC). Of course, there was a race to be run also... Event winners:

Larry Dixon (TF), Greg Anderson (PSC), Chris Rivas (PSB), Oh, and Cruz supplemented his championship with a race win. Good for him.

Pedregon adds win to championship; Dixon, Anderson, Rivas also score

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Bruton Smith: Down and Out in Charlotte

Thatsracin is reporting some troubling news about NASCAR track czar Bruton Smith. He may not be a billionaire anymore! It seems that the current economic climate (by climate we mean bed-shitting, crotch-puke) has hit Smith rather hard. Here is the reported breakdown of his breakdown.

In the past year, the value of those shares (Smith's Sonic Automotive dealership chain) has plummeted 87 percent, costing him more than $268 million.

Smith also is chairman and chief executive of Speedway Motorsports, which owns Lowe's Motor Speedway and six other major tracks. His roughly 29 million shares in the Concord-based company have declined in value by more than 64 percent, erasing more than $711 million.

Our addition skills are not that great, but 268+711 seems like a lot of millions.

Side note: SbB has this story linked and used the following picture of Smith.

Or, is that the king of the one-liner, Don Rickles? You decide.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Remember reading those great stories about Fat-Elvis' shooting up his television in the Jungle Room? The tales all started out pretty much the same. Either, The King, whacked out on pills and cough syrup,... or The King, after a four day glue sniffing binge,... You get the idea.

Well, Ferrari boss Luca di Montezemolo (Bada bing?) pulled a The King-esque move after watching his boy Felipe Massa's title chances slip away during the Brazilian Grand Prix.

When a television breaks it makes a terrible bang. My daughter in the other room was given an awful fright. Luckily we had another television so I was able to watch the podium ceremony, which I enjoyed.

Glad he enjoyed the podium ceremony. Chill out bro.

Ferrari boss smashed TV after F1 finale

Baseball Prospectus' loves Team Penske

For those who don't follow the sport, Baseball Prospectus is a sort-of think tank that focuses on the statistical analysis of baseball. They put out an annual book that previews the top prospects in each organization, have an interesting website, and are pretty much the go-to source for baseball junkies and stat nerds. One of BP's big deal writers is a guy named Will Carroll.

In our daily perusing of the interwebs, we stumbled upon a story about BP perhaps being in discussion with ESPN for some type of merger or buyout. Interesting enough. But what really lit our fire was the image accompanying the story. It's Carroll with an attractive lass (chicks dig the stat-guys) at (what appears to be) IMS, with a Penske pit cart in the background!
The IndyCar Series, and their efforts to infiltrate mainstream sports... Phase one, complete.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Bob Saget wannabe foils Phoenix race

Sunday's Sprint Cup event was not a throwaway race. Interesting things could have taken place (they didn't, but they could have); it was the penultimate round of the title for godsakes! Sure, the prospects of an epic Jimmie Johnson v. Carl Edwards showdown were slim, but you'd think round 35 of 36 in the Chase for the Sprint Cup would pull more network weight than"America's Funnest Home Videos."

Yeah, you'd think.

As many of you witnessed, with 34-to-go on Sunday, most of the country's race coverage was replaced with "AFV."

The race coverage concluded on ESPN2, but still, what the fuck?

What is truly mystifying is why Disney/ABC/ESPN devotes so much time to pre-race festivities, driver intros, praying to God, flyovers, Rusty Wallace sitting behind a desk, etc., yet would even consider ending network coverage early. It makes no sense. NASCAR, in a rare moment of truthiness, doesn't get the programming logic either.

It's almost funny that the premier motor racing series in the country was treated like a bitch by TV higher-ups. NASCAR truly got the IndyCar/CART/Champ Car treatment from TV-execs. Ouch. That hurts.

If this doesn't show the masses where motor racing sits in the greater-American sport's hierarchy, nothing will.

The bigger questions raised... Who knew "America's Funniest Home Videos" was still on TV?

Friday, November 7, 2008

This story brought to you by SbB

"Hot" Carl Edwards is engaged to this lady. (She's a doctor! Nice going, Carl.)

Showing undying devotion to current sponsor Office Depot, the wedding invites were picked from OD's stationary selection and the stores' design, print and shipping services will take care of the, well, designing, printing and shipping of the cards.

On a scale of 1 to tacky, we'll give this move a 7. Remember what happened to Susan when George skimped on the invitations? Keep that in mind.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Another fucking note from the editor

It has taken the better part of two weeks, enough can beer to power a bricklayers union meeting, three cheesesteak enemas, a new POTUS, and a number of truly bazaar interactions with the homeless to get somewhat recovered from the Phillies championship.

I'm back, baby. Time for some housecleaning. First order of business: what happens when the racing stops?

It's yet to be seen (or decided) how this fair site will function during the off-season. I'm thinking of a slow digression into a medium-to-hard-core porn fetish dumpster. That'll be dependant on how cold it gets. So, stay tuned!

Also, don't forget to flip over to the remaining Sprint Cup events when they're on the television light tubes. I'd say a requisite flip-from-football every hour or so should keep you abreast of Jimmie Johnson's inevitable third title.

Cheers to Lewis Hamilton & Co. Deserving title. As a victory celebration, enjoy a gallery of Formula One's First Ladies (including LH's lady-friend), and their counterparts from the world of American saloon-car racing. Until next time, keep reaching for the stars, enjoy the new POTUS and, for godsakes, don't shake the hand of a homeless guy. There could be poo in there.