Which Johnson had the better weekend?

Here are your options:

Eagles Defensive Coordinator Jim Johnson.

The Iggles played a vital role in the first tie the NFL has seen since 2002. Against the Bengals. Yes, the one-win, hopeless, hapless Cincinnati Bengals. The Eagles' D let some fellow named Ryan Fitzpatrick go 29-of-44 for 261 yards. TJ Houshmandzadeh had 149-yards receiving. The plus for Johnson here is that the tie can not be attributed solely to his D. The Bengals were forced to punt 11 times, and Fitzpatrick was sacked eight times. We'll give Johnson a "B-" for the weekend. Hey, at least he knew games could end in a tie. So we think...

South Florida Playboy, former footballing coach, and current TV talking hair Jimmy Johnson.

We have two reliable sources who placed Johnson, after his Fox duties ended Sunday, partying at a Sunset strip club with Frank Caliendo. Our sources say Johnson was 86'ed after a private dance ended with no release. He was heard saying, "If you're gonna talk the talk, you better walk the walk!"as he was tossed to sidewalk. Caliendo stayed and said, "Turducken" many times. The waitstaff laughed. We'll give Johnson an "A-" solely because he opted for the private dance, and not the champagne room. He is a man of the people.

Three-time NASCAR Champ Jimmie Johnson.

The guy won his third straight Cup title on Sunday in mediocre, don't- rock- the- boat- fashion. Dude finished p15. That's not terribly impressive. Travis Kvapil beat the guy on Sunday. So did Bill Elliott, who is approximately 76. Come. On. Three in a row is pretty cool, but Jimmie, do it with some style. We'll give him a "B" for the weekend.

So, drumroll... The best Johnson weekend award goes to... Jimmy Johnson, and his totally fabricated weekend involving strippers and a guy with a terrible show on TBS. Outstanding.