A few weeks ago Dale Coyne called to offer Paul his other car beside Justin Wilson in place of Bruno Junqueira. But Tracy refused Coyne's offer. "I told Dale that Bruno is a friend of mine and a good driver who deserves a ride," Tracy said. "I told him I couldn't take Bruno's seat. That wouldn't be right."

- Gordon Kirby

As it turns out PT is a stand-up guy. Good for him. He remains sans ride, but way to take the high road, Paul.

The Way It Is/ North American talent at a record low

Yasukama returns

Even the web editors at speedtv.com are susceptible to egregious spelling errors. In that regard, our two sites are pretty similar.

We will let Speedtv.com commentator "Mike Hickman" sum things up:

"Where's that SpeedTV.com spellchecker? His name in the article is Yasukawa not Yasukama. Is this a Freudian slip with F-1 Takuma Sato? Come on Speed, at least get the driver's name spelled right in the headline"

Gordon Kirby may also hate the Easter Bunny.

"Marco Andretti and Danica Patrick need to grow up and start focusing on their jobs and acting like professionals if they're going to be taken seriously..."

The Way It Is/ Return of the turbo

The end of the world is (reportedly) near

INDYCAR: Milka Duno and Doornbos to Newman/Haas/Lanigan!

This is hot off the presses. Remember, if you read it on the interwebs it has to be true. Discuss.

Return of the Partyboy

Al Unser, Jr.'s name seems to be intrinsically linked with booze and domestic violence. You can now add "sex tape blackmail victim" to that list. Take it away local Action News Team:

Unser is mentioned in counts 72 and 73 of the indictment. The DA's office said McMullin told Unser he had video of the racing legend in a "compromising position." McMullin allegedly asked Unser for $750,000, or he would release the tape to the public.

Now, according to this story Little Al is nothing but a victim. He did allegedly pay some cash to this skeeze (McMullin) to keep something under wraps. That could point to a sex tape actually existing. Just food for thought. Food for disgusting thought, but still.

Can we now call this the year of the motor racing sex tape? First Max Mosley, now Little Al. We advise A.J. Foyt to keep the old High-8 under lock and key.

DA: Unser a victim of blackmail scheme (KOB 4)

Unser Pays Pimp to Hide “Compromising” Video (SbB)

Al Unser Victim Of Prostitution Ring Blackmail Plot? Let's Go To The Videotape (Deadspin*)

*We love Deadspin more than anyone, but come on guys, tagging this story 'NASCAR'? You're better than that. Really, you are.

How many "90210"-stars does it take to make the 500?

If you happen to be part of Rubicon Racing, the answer is three. As Max Papis prepares to qualify for the Indianapolis 500 this weekend, he has an ace up his sleeve. By 'ace' we mean three former Beverly Hills, 90210 stars, of course.

Yes, Rubicon's "Advisory Board" (whatever the hell that is) consists of Tiffani Thiessen (more famous for playing Kelly Kapowski on Saved by the Bell, yet 90210-alum nonetheless), Ian Ziering (aka Steve Sanders), and of course team principle Jason Priestley (aka Brandon Walsh).

Other notables on Rubicon's "Advisory Board" are NFL'ers Dallas Clark and Jason Baker, and actors Max Martini, David Cubitt and Bradley Cooper.

With this level of star-power it is impossible to even contemplate Rubicon not making the field. Should a race win befall the Rubicon-entry, it is rumored that instead of the traditional victory lane sip of milk, Papis will indulge on booze and sleeping pills, then have sex with the pool boy. Jack Arute will be shocked.

When I was 19, it was a very good year

After much analysis, dissection and, frankly, gushing the reality of Graham Rahal's win Sunday in St. Petersburg is now beginning to set in. The racing clichés have been expelled and discussed ad nauseam, and the self-described experts have all had fair time to chime in regarding the youngster's performance.

Since the dust has settled on the biggest (on-track) IndyCar story of the short season, Ridebuyer feels compelled to take a walk down memory lane. Like the elderly incontinent man who feeds pigeons in the park, we will paint you a picture of days gone by. We are taking a trip back to a simpler time. A time when the McRib captured the imagination of both fat and skinny alike, and where the collective hopes of a nation rested with a humble ex-Governor of Massachusetts named Michael Dukakis. Yes, in honor of young-Rahal's accomplishment, we're going back to the time of our 19th year on earth! Think VH1's "I Love the ___ties" series but with less Hal Sparks.


Here-in no particular order- is the Ridebuyer list of things we were doing when 19 years-old. (Notice winning an IndyCar race is not on the list).


We were:

* Giving homeless people Arby's coupons in exchange for the purchase of Fosters tallboys.

* Lamenting the fact that the latest expansion pack for Microsoft Flight Simulator was a piece of shit and totally not worth $19.95.

* Thinking South Park was hilarious.

* Reading The Catcher in the Rye and completely relating to the plight of Holden Caulfield.

* Smoking Marlboro reds for a week until our jean jacket (complete with Rage Against the Machine patches) started to stink/we ran out of money.

* Thinking about beer.

* Attempting to buy beer.

* Attempting to speak with girls. (Results? Lacking.)

Cheers to you Graham Rahal, you appear to be much cooler and more successful at 19 than any of us were at that age, or could hope to be in the future. Fuck that. Here is gratuitous Homer Simpson video to make us feel better... Just change the lyrics from 17 to 19.

IndyCar season preview-part VI

Taking it team-by-team (must be read and hummed aloud to the cadence of the Micheal McDonald hit of the similar name).

Ridebuyer is happy to present the following team-by-team look into the 2008 IRL IndyCar season. Feel free to print the subsequent posts and compile your own personal Ridebuyer media guide. (Seriously, if anyone does this, DUI yourself into the nearest pond. Immediately.)

Ed. note: Ridebuyer is the first to admit it may not be fair to finish a "season preview," after the season has started. After seeing a race we could, theoretically, be more in tuned with what will transpire this season. We have seen the drivers, cars and teams in action and can adjust our "preview" accordingly. Some may cry shenanigans, some may call this a cop out. Fortunately, we are not those kind of people. So, if you are, go to hell. It is not our fault that procrastination has prevented timely-posting. In fact, we blame you. Yes, you. Bastards.

In this post... Mediocrity: Rahal Letterman Racing, Roth Racing and Vision Racing.

Rahal Letterman Racing:

What to Know:

RLR is fielding a single-car this season for Ryan Hunter-Reay. The American has shown the ability to run at or near the front in his short tenure in the IndyCar Series. He took Rookie of the Year honors last season despite running an abbreviated schedule (after Rahal's ouster of Jeff Simmons). Hunter-Reay had victories in Champ Cars, showed some speed in sportscars and even completed some NASCAR testing. The guy is good enough to win races, exceeding the potential of his equipment. The team has downsized to a single car, went through a messy split with former driver Scott Sharp, lost Sharp's tequila deal, and seem to be left with nothing more than Hunter-Reay and his occasional ethanol-farming commercials. The team is also branching out into sportscar racing for 2009 (running GT-2 BMW's in the ALMS), plus team owner Bobby Rahal is likely more concerned with his son running an IndyCar (at Newman/Haas/Lanigan, mind you) than he lets on. The point is, the team has a lot of things going on, and this comes at the detriment of Hunter-Reay.

Summation:

The team is only a handful of years removed from taking Buddy Rice to victory lane at Indy, but things have changed. Dramatically. Expect Hunter-Reay to show consistent speed on road and street courses (see: Mid-Ohio last season), but nothing more.

Roth Racing:

What to Know:

The juggernaut known as Roth Racing is back, and team owner Marty Roth is still in the cockpit. Gasp. This guy takes shit from almost everyone concerning his driving ability, his team and his general attendance at IndyCar events. Marty Roth would probably get stoned from fans for just showing up at a race and sitting in the stands. That is, if anyone would recognize him from the pretzel vendor walking the aisles of the nose bleed seats at Homestead (not likely). To all those folks who shit on Marty, Ridebuyer says relax. When you become a millionaire businessman, you have earned the right to blow your cash on whatever you damn well please. Some guys choose airplanes, boats, or call girls, but Marty likes him some racing. Roth is a Ridebuyer in every sense of the word, and we like that. Sure, he wads a few cars up and is a habitual back marker. But he is doing it. Keep on keeping on, Marty. Oh, and he hired a pretty damn good teammate for this season in Jay Howard.

Summation:

Brace for a racing cliche:

A top-10 for this team would be like a win... Thinking in those terms: will Roth Racing win a race this year? Yes.

Vision Racing:

What to Know:

Tony George's team has progressed from also ran status, to a contender for podiums. Let that sink in for a moment... The team whose genesis came from George's stepson being left rideless is now not a joke. Ed Carpenter has become quite the little racing driver. He and teammate ( A.J. Foyt IV) are the only remaining IndyCar drivers to progress from the USAC ranks, and both are pretty seasoned in oval racing. The team was quick at Homestead (though failing post-qualifying tech was a bit of a setback), as both drivers finished in the top-10. Carpenter's car sports a new sponsor in Menards, and the last season addition of Larry Curry has been nothing but positive. (Here is some info on Curry's, um, past legal issues, which oddly stem from his time with John Menard, the aforementioned new sponsor. Glad to see they buried the hatchet.) The team also has a certain Hollywood big-deal on their side, as Patrick Dempsey is a co-owner. He is most well known from his timeless depiction of 'Rudy' in Meatballs III: Summer Job, the role that defined a generation.

Summation:

The team will struggle on circuits that feature right and left turns. Expect speed on ovals, especially of the 1.5 mile variety. Podiums are very possible for both Foyt and Carpenter on these tracks. Expect no wins, but competitiveness (barring further technical foul-ups). Also, look for Vision to run a car at Indy for Paul Tracy. You heard it here last.



-Ed. note: Hey, the season preview is done! Jesus, thank Christ. And just in time for race #2 at St. Pete. Haha. #2....

IndyCar season preview-part V

Taking it team-by-team (must be read and hummed aloud to the cadence of the Micheal McDonald hit of the similar name).

Ridebuyer is happy to present the following team-by-team look into the 2008 IRL IndyCar season. Feel free to print the subsequent posts and compile your own personal Ridebuyer media guide. (Seriously, if anyone does this, DUI yourself into the nearest pond. Immediately.)

Ed. note: Ridebuyer is the first to admit it may not be fair to finish a "season preview," after the season has started. After seeing a race we could, theoretically, be more in tuned with what will transpire this season. We have seen the drivers, cars and teams in action and can adjust our "preview" accordingly. Some may cry shenanigans, some may call this a cop out. Fortunately, I am not one of those people. So, if you are, go to hell. Plus, the only thing to come from Saturday's opener was a reaffirmation that the two teams listed below are good. Very good.

In this post, the heavyweights: Target Chip Ganassi Racing and Team Penske.

Target Chip Ganassi Racing:

What to Know:

This team is the clear favorite to win the championship and the Indy 500. The team's two drivers (Scott Dixon and Dan Wheldon) might be the two best oval racers of this era, the team is well funded, and sports some of brightest guys in the paddock. The man largely responsible for the team's success in IndyCars is Mike Hull. His title is long and ambiguous (Team Managing Director), but under his eye the team has won four CART titles, an IRL championship and the Indy 500. For some reason, you really don't see the breadth of Hull's knowledge during his obligatory 30-second Q&A with Brienne Pedigo. Ganassi racing is a machine and no paragraph preview needs to point this out.

Summation:

This team is the boss. To illustrate their boss-ness, here is a Rick Ross video.





Oh, and Dixon is going to win the title.

Team Penske:

What to know:

Penske's personnel, equipment, funding and other intangibles are just as sterling (if not more so) than the Ganassi-bunch. A new driver is in the mix for this season (Ryan Briscoe teams with Helio Castroneves), but the departure of Sam Hornish will not impact the team as much as some predict. Briscoe has IndyCar experience and is a flat-out stud in a sportscars. Both drivers will be in contention for wins every week. As for the Penske team, they are the pretty damn bright also. Need some proof? Read The Unfair Advantage and keep in mind Mark Donahue was Penske's driver when the book was scribed.

Summation:

Wins? You bet. Indy 500? Wouldn't bet against it. (Maybe even Briscoe.) Championship? Well, we just said Dixon was going away with that honor, so I guess not.

IndyCar season preview-part IV

Taking it team-by-team (must be read and hummed aloud to the cadence of the Micheal McDonald hit of the similar name).

Ridebuyer is happy to present the following team-by-team look into the 2008 IRL IndyCar season. Feel free to print the subsequent posts and compile your own personal Ridebuyer media guide. (Seriously, if anyone does this, DUI yourself into the nearest pond. Immediately.)

In this post, the ex-pats!: KV Racing Technology and Newman/Haas/Lanigan Racing.

KV Racing Technology:

What to Know:

We'll call KV the second-best Champ Car ex-pats making a go of it this IndyCar season. They are well-funded, have bright guys running the program and have a veteran driver with oval experience. They come to the fray sporting the cockpit services of Oriol Servia (the vet) and Will Power. Of course, Newman/Haas/Lanigan would have to be considered the cream of the newbie-crop, but the gap between the movie star's team and KV may not be as expansive as some think. For starters, the driver lineup for KV may be stronger than what NHLR has. Servia is a known quantity. While never competing in an IRL event, he did attempt a qualifying run at Indy in 2002 for Walker, and showed speed on ovals in the CART days. As for Will Power, well, he is a beast in the making. Without the merger, Power would be battling for a Champ Car title this season. He had victories at Toronto and Vegas in 2007 and if he can figure out how to run an oval in traffic he will compete with anyone.

This team was formed so recently, they have no website. That makes finding info on crew members a tad challenging. (Sorry, Ridebuyer does not have a Rolodex filled with the bios of tire changers. Though it would have helped when we blew a Goodyear on I95 last year.) But, we are confidant that all of the crew guys are not only experienced, but professional and have a savant-type knowledge of Honda engines and Dallara chassis. Why wouldn't they? Jimmy Vasser wouldn't hire slack-jawed mules.

The only possible sticking point Ridebuyer sees in future of KV revolves around their new funding-buddy, Australian wine mogul Graig Gore. Robin Miller questions his integrity. That means we must also. To be fair, Gore screwed Darrick Walker. That means Miller can call him whatever he pleases. No questions asked. Scroll to 1:40 in the clip to hear Vasser's comments on his new partner and his shady-past.




*We wanted to show the Windtunnel clip that featured the entire Robin Miller interview from last week (where he called Craig Gore a criminal), but it was mysteriously removed from Speedtv.com... Could the slander police have paid a visit?

Summation:

KV is no joke. They have two drivers who should be up to speed on ovals quickly and will be competitive on road/street courses immediately. Jimmy Vasser is bright racing guy and is proving that in his ownership role. His partner (Kevin Kalkhoven) seems to know, well, software. (Oh, and how to merge two racing series'). So long as Gore doesn't flake out on the vineyard money, they will be alright.

Newman/Haas/Lanigan:

What to know:

This team is the ex-Champ Car equivalent of current-day Penske or Ganassi. They are the all-stars, the studs and the girl everyone wants to fuck in high school, all wrapped in one. They were the perennial championship favorites in Champ Car, and had the series not dissolved, likely would have secured another title with Justin Wilson this year. NHLR brings Wilson and Graham Rahal to the IndyCar Series for the merge-year, both accomplished; one came from F1, another is on his way. The transition for the team to the IndyCar Series has not been easy. The team missed the Sebring test (the team cited a lack of parts), and Rahal wadded a car in the Homestead oval test, forcing his entry to be withdrawal from the race, the team again citing a lack of chassis parts. (Irony. Team owner Carl Haas has said on many occasions that he has $2 million worth of new -now useless- chassis parts for the Panoz DP01 in storage. And, during his time as the distributor of Lola parts in America, Champ Car teams complained Haas never had the innovatory of parts they needed. Full circle.)

Summation:

This team should be competing for race wins on road/street courses. Wilson will get up to speed faster on ovals than Rahal (We think he'll be in F1 in two seasons, so don't fret). Rahal wont need too much time to find his feet. (You'd expect this from the most talented American-born racing driver in 20 years. How's that for a Ridebuyer endorsement?) To put his age into perspective, Rahal graduated from high school last year, and was born three years after his Pop won Indy. Holy shit, everyone in the world (minus Rahal, of course) is old as dirt.

IndyCar season preview-part III

Taking it team-by-team (must be read and hummed aloud to the cadence of the Micheal McDonald hit of the similar name).

Ridebuyer is happy to present the following team-by-team look into the 2008 IRL IndyCar season. Feel free to print the subsequent posts and compile your own personal Ridebuyer media guide. (Seriously, if anyone does this, DUI yourself into the nearest pond. Immediately.)

In this post: Dreyer & Reinbold Racing and HVM Racing.

Dreyer & Reinbold:

What to Know:

Unlike the two previous teams outlined (Conquest and Coyne), D&R are part of the IRL old-guard. The team principle Dennis Reinbold is pretty well known throughout Indianapolis for his car dealerships (yeah, he's kind-of a big deal), and started his IndyCar outfit in 1999. Robbie Buhl drove for the team until he stepped into the ownership role he now has. For this season the team has three drivers under contract. Buddy Rice, Townsend Bell and Milka Duno. Rice will run the entire schedule, while Bell and Duno will tag-team the other entry. (D&R say they will run the trio at Indy.) Duno will start the season at Homestead, with Bell seemingly to pick up the slack at road/street courses. Ridebuyer wonders aloud as to why Duno runs exclusively ovals in the IndyCar Series as she has shown her ineptness time after time turning left. She comes from a road racing background, and might (a big might, by the way) feel more comfortable on similar tracks. Just a thought. Kudos to the team for running Rice (who dispite winning the Indy 500 still gets overlooked) and Bell (same deal as Rice, just minus Indy). And hey, Duno pays the bills with that fat Citgo check (thank you Hugo Chavez).

Summation:

The team hopes Rice and Bell can have enough success to offset the damage bill Duno will run up. That means, Rice must win Indy and Bell must podium in all street/road events. A tall order. Seriously, the team should be able to run top ten with Rice everywhere, and top fives for Bell and Rice off of the ovals is possible. Duno will wreck (at least Ashley Judd wont be around to bitch about it though, that was annoying). We will leave you with this... Why are Milka Duno's nostrils so close together?... That's not a setup for a joke, we really want to know. Seriously, it weirds us out.

HVM Racing:

What to know:

In the spirit of full disclosure, we only know the following about HVM Racing:

Keith Wiggins is the owner.

The team was purchased from the old Bettenhausen Racing remnants

The Minardi guy was somehow involved with the squad last year.

That's about it. They won some races in Champ Car (including an oval race with Ryan Hunter- Reay). And that pretty much covers it. As for their driver Ernesto Viso, well... We know less. So instead of bullshitting everyone by making up some malarkey about his road racing prowess, do us all a favor and follow the above link. Read about him yourself, don't be lazy. He may even be interesting... For more information about the team and their driver, give HVM a call @ 317-524-3995. I'm sure they would be happy to talk to a fan. Tell 'em Ridebuyer sent you.

Summation:

Struggle. Lets hope he doesn't wad a car up in Homestead, because that would likely write-off St. Pete. Good luck though.

IndyCar season preview-part II

Taking it team-by-team (must be read and hummed aloud to the cadence of the Micheal McDonald hit of the similar name).

Ridebuyer is happy to present the following team-by-team look into the 2008 IRL IndyCar season. Feel free to print the subsequent posts and compile your own personal Ridebuyer media guide. (Seriously, if anyone does this, DUI yourself into the nearest pond. Immediately.)

In this post: Conquest Racing and Dale Coyne Racing.

Conquest:

What to Know:

Eric Bachelart's team finds itself in the same boat as the other former-Champ Car squads attempting to make the big IndyCar "switch." Aside from having two drivers with zero oval experience (Franck Perera and Enrique Bernoldi-more info on Bernoldi here), the team also has had nearly no time to develop (if that's what you call it) and test their new IndyCar equipment before Saturday night's season opener in Miami. That said, the team has experence with ovals in the sense that Bachelart and co. ran in the IRL in 2002 (Can you say Laurent Redon?) before returning to Champ Car and solely concentrating on three-day festivals o' speed.

As for the drivers, Bernoldi has a decent amount of F1 experience and Perera finished second in the Atlantic Championship last season. It is a given that both drivers were able to parlay these rides with considerable um, personal sponsorship. But, it is what it is.

Summation:

Eric Bachelart is a true racer. He has never had a lewd amount of funding to make things happen the easy way for his team (or even when he was a driver, for that matter). The team should be able to adapt, and the process will be made easier by some longtime crew members who have been around the block in racing. (Including this guy, who I'm told looks like me.) Top ten finishes on road/street courses for Conquest team seems equitable enough. On ovals, battling with likes of Roth and Duno is likely.

Dale Coyne Racing:

What to know:

Much of what was said about Bachelart can be applied to Dale Coyne. He has been around the open-wheel world for some time, and has never had tons of cash to make things simple. Despite what the Coyne Racing link on IndyCar.com says, DCR will field two cars this season. Bruno Junqueira (playing to role of grizzled-veteran) has one mount, while Mario Moraes (the brash, unknown rookie trying to make a name for himself) will steer the team-car. If this seems oddly familiar to you, you are not alone. Coyne clearly ripped-off the storyline of Driven when assembling his team:

Sly, er Junqueira, that is, has the most oval experience of any Champ Car refuge and was bloody quick in his experiences in the 500. (Pole in 2002, led 12-laps in 2004, four career starts total.) As for Jimmy Bly (or Mario Moraes, whatever), he is young, really young. Like born in 1988, young. He does not have much (any) experience in high-horsepower cars, coming from various F3 series' and much karting. Ovals will be an issue (see a theme here?). Aside from that, I'm told the ladies think he is dreamy... Can't argue with that.

Summation:

Much like Conquest, top tens on road/street circuits are possible for the Coyne crowd. Junqueira could go higher and could surprise at Indy come May. The huge ace-in-hole for this team is Bruno, as he can likely set-up the car for Moraes and help him attempt to unlock the secrets with regards to oval-related whathaveyous. Hey, anyone who started their racing team running SCCA in the 70's, and and has been in Indy-type cars ever since 1984 (without funding from drug running), well, you Dale Coyne might be Ridebuyer's hero.

IndyCar season preview

Taking it team-by-team (must be read and hummed aloud to the cadence of the Micheal McDonald hit of the similar name).

Ridebuyer is happy to present the following team-by-team look into the 2008 IRL IndyCar season. Feel free to print the subsequent posts and compile your own personal Ridebuyer media guide. (Seriously, if anyone does this, DUI yourself into the nearest pond. Immediately.)

In this post: A.J. Foyt Enterprises and Andretti Green Racing.

A.J. Foyt Enterprises-

What to know:

Super Tex's one-car outfit has Darren Manning returning for his second season with the team. Manning's #14 finished last season with a few strong runs including a career-tying high forth place at Detroit. The team was restructured last season with A.J.'s son Larry assuming a larger role in day-to-day operations, maybe adding some life into the sometimes flaccid outfit. Expect the team to run well on road and street courses as well as short ovals.

Despite A.J. personally out-dating the internal combustion engine, his team has some youthful faces, which is pretty cool. (Much of the over-the-wall crew look like they would have a tough time ordering a drink in a Bolivian brothel.) Speaking of booze, the team retains secondary sponsorship from Cabo Wabo Tequila. This would be awesome, but Sammy Hagar has weired us out since "I can't drive 55" was used in Back to the Future II in the soundtrack for the alternate 1985 scenes.

Summation:

Don't expect wins, but podiums are certainly attainable. Manning is more than capable of competing with any driver in the series. But, who knows? If the team is near the front at the end of an event they could backdoor a 'W.' Oh, just don't use the term backdoor around A.J., he doesn't like the queer-talk.

Andretti Green Racing-

What to know:

The four-car uber-team is back and just as uber as ever. Series champ and Indy winner Dario Franchitti has hit the bricks and the squad has enlisted the services of one Hideki Mutoh to fill the void. Yes, Mutoh is a rookie in the IndyCar Series, but the team is proven and Mutoh has shown that he is not your typical Honda-funded boner. Joining Mutoh is the trio of Danica Patrick, Tony Kanaan, and Marco Andretti. All clearly have the equipment to win races this season, yet only Kanaan and Marco are likely to. This is not to completely write off the rookie and the broad. Mutoh could set the world on fire (?), and Danica has the strange ability to race Indianapolis like a beast. She will be competitive as shit come May.

Summation:

The team will be competitive on all tracks the IndyCar Series competes. They are well-funded and occasionally well-managed. Kanaan has to do the brunt of the development work for the entire team since his vet-buddy Franchitti has left. More work? Yes. Can he do it? You bet. Kanaan is a championship contender right out of the gate. Marco wins a race. (Probably a road or street event.) Danica and Mutoh? Your guess is as good as mine.

*Ed. note: If the world was fair, Danica Patrick would be excluded from contention of all racing events for the calender year 2008 solely because of the music that plays when you go to her website. Holy shit, that is dismal.

Champ Car refuges hit Sebring

Today was the first test for former Champ Car teams with their new IRL-mounts. Six newly appointed IRL drivers took to the Sebring short-course and logged a total of 276 laps.

Conveniently, the IRL-regulars happened to test Sebring about two-weeks ago, leaving the door wide open for silly comparisons and other premature conclusions to be drawn concerning any of the following:

• The ability of ex-Champ Car teams to adapt to a new engine/chassis combo.
• Which squad has employed a driver able to adapt quickly to a new car?
• Which IRL team(s) posted slower lap times than Champ Car squads who have had less than a month to prep a full-blown IRL program?
• How slow is Milka Duno, really?
• Did Newman/Haas/Lanigan just skip the test to polish up their NCAA brackets?

Feel free to deduce your own answers to the above questions. Here are the official times:


Sebring Open Test - Round 1 -3/6/08 (combined results for Indy Car regulars)


Sebring Open Test - Round 2- 3/19/08 (Champ Car ex-pats)

For those too lazy to open both files for comparison (lets face it, I would be):

Will Power had the fastest time among the IRL newbies (52.9685; 113.501 mph). That would place him fifth among the regulars. Milka Duno was two-seconds slower than her nearest IRL colleague. (She did log a quicker time than Conquest's Enrique Bernoldi, but he only managed four laps today).

Ex-Champ Car teams get one more test day at Sebring, followed by two on the Homestead oval, then the season opener. Word on the street is Newman/Haas/Lanigan will make up for lost testing time by shaking their cars down at an SCCA autocross on the South Side of Chicago. Dude, your prepped 240Z is fucked.

Enrique Bernoldi? Huh. Sounds foreign

Conquest Racing has confirmed that former F1 shoe and occasional Champ Car tester Enrique Bernoldi will pilot one of the squads' Indy Car entries this season. For those not familiar with Bernoldi, he spent two uneventful years in a F1 race seat with the defunct Arrows squad (28 GP starts and nine finishes), spent time as an F1-tester, and was signed to race this season with Rocketsports in Champ Car.

Here is a glimpse into the early career of Bernoldi courtesy of F1DB:

1987 - Winner of kart championship in Curitiba
1988 - Eighth place in the Paulista Kart Championship, Brazil
1989 - Winner of the Paulista Kart Championship, Brazil
1990 - Winner of the Brazilian Kart Championship, winner of the Paulista Kart Championship, Brazil
1991 - Winner of the Brazilian Kart Championship
1992 - Third place in the Paulista Kart Championship, Brazil
1993 - Third place in the South American Kart Championship; Fourth place in the Pan-American Kart Championship
1995 - Fourth place in the Italian Formula Alfa-Boxer
1996 - Winner of European Formula Renault Championship, winning nine out of 11 races.
1997 - Fifth place in the British Formula 3 Championship with one race win. Third place in the Macau Grand Prix
1998 - Runner-up in British Formula 3 Championship, winning six of the 16 races. Runner-up at the Marlboro Masters Formula 3 race. Third place in the Macau Grand Prix.
1999 - Eighteenth place in the FIA F3000 Championship. Test Driver for the Sauber Formula One team.
2000 - Fifteenth place in the FIA F3000 Championship. Test Driver for the Sauber Formula One team.
2001 - Formula One with the Orange-Arrows team
2002 - Formula One with the Orange-Arrows team.

Bernoldi is probably best remembered for this bout with David Coulthard at Monaco in 2001.



*What? You can't understand what the commentators are saying? Well, I can*

Bernoldi will take his first laps in an Indy Car later this week at Sebring. The Brazilian has no experience racing on ovals.

Walker Racing closes doors; promptly reopens them

News of Walker Racing's ultimate demise appear to be both premature and exaggerated.

Despite a rash of reports claiming the team has completely shelved plans to run in the unified-IRL, Walker has responded with this release on his team's website. For those not interested in following the jump, or if you have a general aversion to comprehension-reading here is a telling excerpt:

So we are not out of racing by any means. There is a huge mountain to climb, but if I can get the job done in time we will be there at Homestead.

Walker also says his Atlantic program will go on as planned. The team is currently testing at Laguna Seca with the fabulous-Mansell Brothers.

Ridebuyer will start the rumor-mill: Walker Racing to run Nigel Mansell in a one-off at Indy. You heard it here first (and last).

Allmendinger, rideless?

Let the "A.J. Allmendinger makes a triumphant return to a unified open wheel series" rumors begin. According to a sentence in the Indy Star, Allmendinger could be parked by Red Bull Racing after going 0-fer in making the first three Sprint Cup events of the year. Maybe A.J. should try to hook up with his former karting boss Paul Tracy to start their own IRL program. But only if A.J. brings back his fade-cut.

Looking beyond the merge... from stupid to awesome

The 2008 IRL season will be weird. From a competition standpoint, it may very well suck. Think of it as a means to an end. Champ Car ex-patriots will struggle mightily to get up to speed with the IRL’s engine and chassis package. Only two former Champ Car teams (still just rumored to be making the switch) have the funding, resources and personnel to be competitive against the likes of Penske, Ganassi and Andretti-Green this season. Newman/Hass/Lanigan and Forsythe are capable of top-five finishes on both road courses and ovals, and will prove such as the season kicks-off next month. I doubt either team will win a race on sheer speed alone, instead may be backdooring a victory with fuel strategy or the like. But, still a huge longshot. Aside from those two outfits, don’t expect the Champ Car refugees to set the world on fire. PKV will show flashes of speed with Oriol Servia , but that will about do it. The rest of the Champ Car ex-pats will have to claw with Marty Roth Racing for also ran status.

It will not be an easy thing to watch for those that thought the Champ Car of the last three or so years was home to the greatest teams and drivers in American open-wheel racing. Some truly poor souls will be so distraught with this new development they will refuse to watch the newly restored series. These folks will focus on F1 or sports car racing and never look back. One should feel no pity for these exclusionists; they are the same people who voted for Ross Perot because he “made the most sense.” Blind faith and tunnel vision are two alarming qualities that should be coveted by none.

Only the ignorant will argue that this reunion was not completely necessary for single-seat racing in this country to have any hope of becoming relevant or even sustainable in the years to come. With that said, (and true of any project retarded by procrastination) the devouring of Champ Car by the IRL will have short term outcomes that span from “good,” to “damn,” to “what the hell is this?”

If the published reports are true, Motegi and Long Beach will happen as scheduled. Two races, two different specs of car competing, both races awarding IRL points. This will fall under the “what the hell is this?” category. This will surely not be the only time this season the strange becomes commonplace in the new-IRL.

Next week's press conference will shed light on further such scenarios. But, all can be forgiven in May at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. If nothing else this merge should be seen as a last-ditch effort to save the 500. The highs and lows will be forgotten and a great event will make up for any flubs between now and then.

Make no mistake, this year will be one for Ripley's, making many scratch their heads. The sooner this season comes to an end, the quicker the next will start and the improvements made to the schedule, spec and overall future of the sport will be in place. Give it time, the best is yet to come.

First step to relevancy… Imminent? Really?

Speedtv’s Robin Miller says the long awaited, much needed, only chance at becoming a real sport again, about fucking time, IRL/Champ Car reconciliation deal is done.

After 12 years of warring that cost open-wheel racing much of its sponsorship,audience and momentum, common sense has finally prevailed. SPEEDtv.com has learned that the Indy Racing League and Champ Car have officially, and mercifully, agreed to become one entity. A press conference could come as early as Wednesday…

So, the bloody coup -turned bloodier schism- appears to ending. Praise the lord. While this union represents the equivalent of an 11th-hour, shotgun wedding between the two series, it is also the only chance American open-wheel racing has at becoming anything more than an obscure, 2nd to 3rd tier, also ran, bastard cousin to the 800-pound gorilla of NASCAR. Castro resigns, and an open wheel merger on the same day... Coincidence? I think so too.

Mergers, bankruptcy, unemployment, and motor racing

I have waited to pass judgment on the latest open-wheel merger rumors, not wanting to waste time conjecturing; speculating or even acknowledging the possibility of a reunion taking place (this is largely because Kevin Kalkhoven cites the people who speak about merger, as being the sole reason for a merger not happening. The first rule of possible merger is, there is no possible merger). The supposed near misses and close calls have been too frequent and ultimately too futile for the events of the week to seem buoyant. We’ve heard all this before; buzzwords like assets, liquidity and union tossed about like a wooden-legged figure skater in a canoe. This would surely under develop and fizzle out like every other attempt at fusion.

Any plan to fix a dozen-year bloody schism could not be solved two months before the respective seasons are to start… Right?

Exactly when this story shifted from pipedream to plausible is hard to pinpoint. Obviously the now infamous Robin Miller articles played a role. The news that the IndyCar Series brass (along with Honda lovechild Robert Clark) hit Japan to iron out a scheduling trip-up added fuel to the fire. Christ, who knows when this turned into the only hope for open-wheel racing in America to gain any degree of relevancy? But it did.

Some killjoys (mainly a small, yet vocal group of Champ Car zealots whose knowledge of the sport is only rivaled by their ignorance to the fact that this is not the Champ Car of 1999) believe that Kalkhoven, et al. would be getting a hose-job should the published merge terms be in the ballpark of what is actually being discussed. They would be right, but Champ Car is in no place to barter.

The ball has been forcibly removed from Champ Car’s court. Through mismanagement, scheduling disasters, dismal media coverage and a litany of other blunders Champ Car imploded. These cock-ups have been outlined to the point of cliché, and are regarded as common knowledge by those outside the inner sanctum of Champ Car.

Regardless of how they obtained it, the IndyCar Series has the upper hand (though through default more so than any tangible advance they have made to either the sport of motor racing or its marketing).

David Phillips wrote an excellent op-ed outlining the damage that a hasty union will cause. And if this merger happens, hasty it will be. This potential deal has all the makings of a four-day Vegas binge that culminates with the exchange of vows between a down of his luck slob and a syphilis-riddled hooker. Heads will roll, companies will close and people will lose jobs. There is no two ways about that.

To Phillips I respond: wars have collateral damage and this is no different.
Aside from the massive amounts of technical resources that will be immediately obsolete (Champ Car’s new Panoz chassis most notability), the pending litigation that faces a voided Champ Car season will be staggering. This will just be the start of the fallout.

And I don’t really care. Neither should you.

A merger transcends the individual company, race team or employee. At stake is the future of open wheel racing in America. An entire sport trumps the needs of companies that exist merely to support that sport. If a union of the forces doesn’t take place, those very companies will be in dire straights soon enough. A delay only postpones the inevitable.

A firehouse liquidation at Champ Car and shotgun wedding with the IndyCar Series is the only bet to salvage this sport and make it viable and relevant by sometime in the next decade.

Returning to the Vegas hooker analogy: Champ Car is coming off of his bender just as he prepares to kiss the hooker and affirm their vows. Champ Car pauses and recoils in disgust as the booze travels off. “Has it really come to this?” he thinks aloud. Champ Car’s mind races as he recalls the last decade of his existence. A hopeless drunk, no friends, drug issues, and no sex since the turn of the millennium. He quickly lays the mother of all kisses on the whore known as the IndyCar Series. A match made in hell, yet necessity.