Return of the Partyboy

Al Unser, Jr.'s name seems to be intrinsically linked with booze and domestic violence. You can now add "sex tape blackmail victim" to that list. Take it away local Action News Team:

Unser is mentioned in counts 72 and 73 of the indictment. The DA's office said McMullin told Unser he had video of the racing legend in a "compromising position." McMullin allegedly asked Unser for $750,000, or he would release the tape to the public.

Now, according to this story Little Al is nothing but a victim. He did allegedly pay some cash to this skeeze (McMullin) to keep something under wraps. That could point to a sex tape actually existing. Just food for thought. Food for disgusting thought, but still.

Can we now call this the year of the motor racing sex tape? First Max Mosley, now Little Al. We advise A.J. Foyt to keep the old High-8 under lock and key.

DA: Unser a victim of blackmail scheme (KOB 4)

Unser Pays Pimp to Hide “Compromising” Video (SbB)

Al Unser Victim Of Prostitution Ring Blackmail Plot? Let's Go To The Videotape (Deadspin*)

*We love Deadspin more than anyone, but come on guys, tagging this story 'NASCAR'? You're better than that. Really, you are.

According to GrandPrix.com (via Jalopnik) Honda's F1 outfit could be on the market. No word has come from Japan. Mark Cuban's checkbook is MIA. Coincidence?

Maybe they are not selling as many Accords as we all thought.

Honda Rumored To Be Selling F1 Team

Stolen from the interwebs

Its been called the laziest post in blogging, link dumps, shit clicks, the list goes on... Occasionally we like to get in on the act, because we are lazy as shit. Where's the harm in that? So, here is our latest iteration of the motor racing-themed, Stolen From the Interwebs. We'll take credit for the name. +1 us.

The fast approaching NASCAR awards banquet is quite the social gathering of roughnecks. We always found it slightly odd that NYC, specifically the Waldorf Astoria Hotel, is the chosen locale for the event. Wouldn't an Arthur Treacher's in the Charlotte area be more fitting? How about the Cracker Barrel in the parking lot of Daytona International? They probably have a room that could be reserved for larger parties. Alas, 301 Park Ave has been the home of NASCAR's tuxedo night for almost 30-years. During that time some pretty interesting/entertaining moments have occurred. Ryan McGee counts them down at the WWL. Here's a sample:

Worst Toast

In 2006, Kyle Busch thanked his girlfriend Eva for her support … then remembered that her name was actually Erica.

The big question on awards night: Are those tuxedos fireproof? (espn.com)

The price of a visor strip on Lewis Hamilton's helmet? Rather high. Like $22 million, high. Diageo (the hooch company behind Guinness, Smirnoff, and Johnnie Walker) is forking over that amount for their Johnnie Walker brand to be prominently displayed on the new champs helmet and suit. Of course, this is not a new deal for walking man scotch brand as they have been associated with McLaren for some time. But, $22 million? We thought you were supposed to hunker down in these trying times. Ah, unless you provide the world with the one thing that can take minds off of the horrendous economic situation... High powered booze. Let us all toast the demise of our retirement funds.

Johnnie Walker Pays $22 Million For Visor Sticker (TIMES ONLINE via SbB)

If there is one thing that racing journalism Czar Gordon Kirby hates, it's spec car racing. Every two weeks or so he pens a scathing article on the demise of racing and the culprit (cars that look alike). Here is his latest piece, published moments before he nailed it to Tony George's door.

The Way It Is/ Fighting the great spec car plague (gordonkirby.com)

Bernie Ecclestone pulls a Ricky Bobby. "If you're not first, you're last." The F1 boss has plans for a new points system that would award gold medals to race winners. At season's end, the man with the most gold wins. What happens in the event of a tie? Not discussed. Donovan McNabb rejoices, FIA to vote.

Ecclestone expects gold medal plan to be in place for 2009 (ESPN)

One of two ways

"This really rocks."

-Or-

"This is really sucks."

95% of all new ideas will wind up with one of the above statements directly applying to them. Things either fucking kick ass or blow major boner. Rarely is there a middle ground. It's pretty black and white, clear cut, cut and dry, and so forth.

'Middle of the road' has shrunken to the size of the middle class in this country. (That was topical political humor.) Look at television and movies. I can't name a mediocre show or picture that was made in the last five years. The stuff churned out by the Goldsteins and Winebergs of Hollywood all fall on the opposite ends of the sucking line graph spectrum. Let us look at last night's (11/25) TV listings to illustrate this phenomenon:

*Key: FR=fucking rocks; FS=fucking sucks.

House (FR); Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (FR); Rehab: Party at the Hard Rock Hotel (FR. Seriously, watch this show. It's on TruTV and follows around waitresses at the Hard Rock in Vegas. Their uniforms are bikinis. It's a cheep thrill, but I'm a cheep guy.)

Everything else on last night was horrible:

Dancing With the Stars (FS); The Mentalist (FS); NCIS (FS); Fringe (FS)...

Full disclosure: I've never seen any of the 'FS' programs. You know why? Because they suck. There is no possible way The Mentalist is good. So I don't waste my time. I guarantee all of the above shows are disasters.

And that's just TV. Movies are more glaringly one-of-two wayed.

In the past five years, Superbad and The Departed are the only incredible things I've seen. Everything else sucked. (Possible exception given to a few other Seth Rogen films that weren't awesome, but still kind of enjoyable, in a 'if I laugh does this make me guy?' way. But, this would screw up my argument, so these films get omitted.)

This trend is present in everything. Sports? You bet. Trades never have middle ground. Your team either gets a stud for next to nothing or gets stuck with Ron Solt and some other 'pud to be drafted later.'

I have been thinking about how to apply this paradigm to the USAC news about road racing the new "Gold" Crown car. The car is supposed to debut in 2010 and, for those who haven't seen the design, here are some images.

A full field of these things, with live solid axles bouncing around twisty bits could be pretty damn impressive. more importantly, it could be entertaining. On the other hand, a halfhearted group of oval-specialists trying to figure out how to road race a car not suited for the discipline could border on comical. In short, it could suck.

The manufactures need to insure that these things will not be total dogs when turning left and right. That doesn't mean there's a need to outfit hideous wings all over the cars, or to make the suspension package so complicated that an Indy car team couldn't dial them in properly. No, they just need to create a somewhat neutral handling car that can be tossed about the corners and can run in packs. It's a simple concept, really. Hopefully the guys at Riley Technologies, Devin Race Cars and this new Bruce Ashmore company will be able to engineer these things to functionally not suck whilst road racing.

If USAC is serious about this road racing thing, they should really jump in and not ass around. Make a championship supplement for the road course events. Schedule more than a few non-oval races. Make teams and drivers really have to figure out road racing to seriously compete for a title. USAC has a corner on the open wheel oval racing market. Branch out a bit and make this something different and unique.

With the IndyCar Series moving to a more balanced schedule, it's in both organizations best interest to make the Gold Crown series as relevant as possible. Relevancy means balanced schedule, and a car that fits somewhere on the IndyCar Series ladder system.

In short, USAC and chassis designers; don't make this suck. That would really easy to accomplish. Make this series and car fucking rock.

Shafted by "Trackside"

We haven't listened to talk radio for two years. Let's just say we had our fill of the medium. In a past life, the "royal we" was employed by a msm outlet that featured more local talking-head blowhards and national fist-sitters than a weekend real estate conference in Schenectady. Sure, it was fun to cover some sports, but not that fun. I mean, this station aired Rush Limbaugh for like, hours on end. Who knew that guy was still alive? Really? Rush. Come on.

So, it's not terribly surprising that "Blogger Night" on TRACKSIDE with Curt Cavin and Kevin Lee (1070 The Fan, Indy) came and passed without our knowledge. "Noteworthy" motoring blogs were represented, with their founders pontificating about everything IndyCar Series. We've never listened to TRACKSIDE, but know they have a good little following. In fact, Cavin scribes a weblog over at indystar.com that's decent. (We've linked it, so it must be awesome!)

Alas, our fair site was omitted from "Blogger Night." No email. No call. Nothing. We feel slighted. We're like the kid who wanted an action GI Joe Talking Bandit III for Christmas, but got a subscription to Highlights instead. This sucks.

Maybe our invitation was lost in the mail. Maybe our predisposition of using ethnic slurs and misogynistic diatribes to describe the latest in motor racing news caused the un-vitation. Or was it the fact that Robin Miller (indirectly, directly) shit on Cavin during our interview with the Speed star? Did we spend too much time posting on baseball recently? Why the no call?

Members of the Rb nation unite. Inundate Cavin's inbox with your displeasure. Or call him at (317) 444-6409. Tell him we will not go silently into the night. Viva la Rb.

This could be the first blog battle we've waged. It makes us feel warm all over.

For those interested you can Listen HERE to the program in question.

When NASCAR fans push

Deadspin gives us a terrifying view into the grandstand happenings at Homestead. Hint, it involves a guy getting pushed, then doing nothing, except for being a bitch. (Originally posted at Fandome.)



If you happen to know the crux of this scuffle, let us know. We're thinking the two disagreed on the impact of FDI and economic growth.

Knievel themed comedy hour

There is no better way to kick off a hump day AM than with some mildly racist, antisemitic humor! Take it away Bruton Smith lookalike!

Ridebuyer FAQ

Q: When/where/how did the site come to being?

A: Well, I'm glad you asked. Please come in, have a seat. Can I get you something to drink? No, you sure? I have Fanta. (Pulls can of soda from fridge.) Hey, your loss.

The blogspot-juggernaut known as Ridebuyer was born in a small cubicle inside of a large building. Therein, during the monotony of making copies and faxing things, a voice from the heavens rained down. "Write about motor racing," it said. "Sports bloggers are not losers. Do it." It was not unlike the scene in Fight Club when Tyler Durden first explained the'Club' to those fat loser guys. In fact, it was just like that.

Q: Why motor racing?

A: Look, I follow a lot of sports. I like most sports. I was even paid to cover the NHL for a star- crossed few weeks. (What a crazy time to be alive that was.) But, motor racing is different. This is the sport I grew up following. Plus, I thought the sports blogophere was void of profanity laced motor racing themed tripe.

Q: Is this a NASCAR site?

A: Nope.

Q: You have such an extensive understanding your subject matter and articulate it so well, you must have some serious cockpit experience.

A: Thanks, that's not a question, but thanks. I had a woefully mediocre career in karting that ended with me cartwheeling down a frontstretch and coming to rest on a grassy knoll. That ended that. I still have a track car that comes out for occasional lapping days and autocrosses. But, no Indy or Le Mans. Shocking, I know.

Q: What's with the Mario banner? Are you implying he was a ride buyer? Wtf?

A: No, I just like the picture. It is kind of ironic, I guess. One of the best atop one of the worst. But, I'll keep the picture up until somebody makes me take it down (probably through an injunction of some kind).

Q: Do you ever feel like an ass for anonymously posting critical things about people who have no way of contacting you to tell you to shut the hell up?

A: No I don't. Because that's not true. My email has been posted here since day one. It's marshalljlongatgmaildotcom.

Q: Do you really have Robin Miller's number in your cell?

A: Affirm.

Thus ends the totally fabricated FAQ section of the post. No one asked these questions. It was just me, asking myself things. Cat out of bag.

Which Johnson had the better weekend?

Here are your options:

Eagles Defensive Coordinator Jim Johnson.

The Iggles played a vital role in the first tie the NFL has seen since 2002. Against the Bengals. Yes, the one-win, hopeless, hapless Cincinnati Bengals. The Eagles' D let some fellow named Ryan Fitzpatrick go 29-of-44 for 261 yards. TJ Houshmandzadeh had 149-yards receiving. The plus for Johnson here is that the tie can not be attributed solely to his D. The Bengals were forced to punt 11 times, and Fitzpatrick was sacked eight times. We'll give Johnson a "B-" for the weekend. Hey, at least he knew games could end in a tie. So we think...

South Florida Playboy, former footballing coach, and current TV talking hair Jimmy Johnson.

We have two reliable sources who placed Johnson, after his Fox duties ended Sunday, partying at a Sunset strip club with Frank Caliendo. Our sources say Johnson was 86'ed after a private dance ended with no release. He was heard saying, "If you're gonna talk the talk, you better walk the walk!"as he was tossed to sidewalk. Caliendo stayed and said, "Turducken" many times. The waitstaff laughed. We'll give Johnson an "A-" solely because he opted for the private dance, and not the champagne room. He is a man of the people.

Three-time NASCAR Champ Jimmie Johnson.

The guy won his third straight Cup title on Sunday in mediocre, don't- rock- the- boat- fashion. Dude finished p15. That's not terribly impressive. Travis Kvapil beat the guy on Sunday. So did Bill Elliott, who is approximately 76. Come. On. Three in a row is pretty cool, but Jimmie, do it with some style. We'll give him a "B" for the weekend.

So, drumroll... The best Johnson weekend award goes to... Jimmy Johnson, and his totally fabricated weekend involving strippers and a guy with a terrible show on TBS. Outstanding.

Weekend recap: Championship hardware dispersal edition

A triumphant and much needed period (.) can now be placed on 2008 NASCAR season. Exhale. Three titles were handed out in SoFLA, none of them went to "Hot" Carl Edwards, and as per norm, the most interesting racing of the weekend came from the Truck division.


Edwards led the most laps and won Sunday's Ford 400, but he still ended up 69-points adrift of Jimmie Johnson, who finished p15. As anyone who watched a college football game on ABC/ESPN over the weekend knows, this was Johnson's record-tying third straight Cup Series title. Cale Yarborough won the crown from 1976-1978.






It's tough to see where this title will stack up in the greater hierarchy of motor racing achievements. It's not our place to draw such conclusions. The pantheon of motor racing accomplishment is filled with successes. And one day after Johnson's hat trick is too soon to assign this feat a spot in history. Of course, some people disagree. Here's where the experts are stacking Johnson's titles. (Chuckles.)


The Way It Is/ Johnson joins the legends of NASCAR (Gordon Kirby)

Johnson wins third title in a row to match Yarborough (Sporting News Wire Service)

Johnson outsmarts competition to claim third straight Sprint Cup (Lars Anderson, SI.com)

Three down and more to go? Johnson, 48 team, might just be getting started (Ed Hinton, espn.com)


The same sort of deal happened on Saturday during the N'Wide race. In that Edwards won the race, but come up lame in the title. Clint Bowyer finished p5 to take that crown.

Edwards wins race, but Bowyer takes Nationwide Series title

13 years ago, Johnny Benson won a NASCAR title in the Busch Series. On Friday he notched title # 2 in NASCAR's #3 series. The points battle between Benson and Ron Hornday was the stuff of legends. Benson finished one spot ahead of Hornaday in Friday's race, and that gave him the seven point edge he needed to take the crown. Cheers to him and all of Bill Davis Racing.

Watch the final laps:



Benson holds off Hornaday to win Truck Series championship

There were really only two class titles on the line during Sunday's NHRA eliminations from Pomona. Pro Stock Bike and Funny Car is where the drama of sorts took place. When Tony Pedregon took out Robert Hight in round one, the FC title was secured for his older bro, Cruz. This is Cruz's second title, and his first in 16 years.

Eddie Krawiec won the Bike crown. Previously awarded champs were Tony Schumacher (TF) and Jeg Coughlin (PSC). Of course, there was a race to be run also... Event winners:

Larry Dixon (TF), Greg Anderson (PSC), Chris Rivas (PSB), Oh, and Cruz supplemented his championship with a race win. Good for him.

Pedregon adds win to championship; Dixon, Anderson, Rivas also score

Bruton Smith: Down and Out in Charlotte

Thatsracin is reporting some troubling news about NASCAR track czar Bruton Smith. He may not be a billionaire anymore! It seems that the current economic climate (by climate we mean bed-shitting, crotch-puke) has hit Smith rather hard. Here is the reported breakdown of his breakdown.

In the past year, the value of those shares (Smith's Sonic Automotive dealership chain) has plummeted 87 percent, costing him more than $268 million.

Smith also is chairman and chief executive of Speedway Motorsports, which owns Lowe's Motor Speedway and six other major tracks. His roughly 29 million shares in the Concord-based company have declined in value by more than 64 percent, erasing more than $711 million.

Our addition skills are not that great, but 268+711 seems like a lot of millions.

Side note: SbB has this story linked and used the following picture of Smith.

Or, is that the king of the one-liner, Don Rickles? You decide.

Remember reading those great stories about Fat-Elvis' shooting up his television in the Jungle Room? The tales all started out pretty much the same. Either, The King, whacked out on pills and cough syrup,... or The King, after a four day glue sniffing binge,... You get the idea.

Well, Ferrari boss Luca di Montezemolo (Bada bing?) pulled a The King-esque move after watching his boy Felipe Massa's title chances slip away during the Brazilian Grand Prix.

When a television breaks it makes a terrible bang. My daughter in the other room was given an awful fright. Luckily we had another television so I was able to watch the podium ceremony, which I enjoyed.

Glad he enjoyed the podium ceremony. Chill out bro.

Ferrari boss smashed TV after F1 finale

Baseball Prospectus' loves Team Penske

For those who don't follow the sport, Baseball Prospectus is a sort-of think tank that focuses on the statistical analysis of baseball. They put out an annual book that previews the top prospects in each organization, have an interesting website, and are pretty much the go-to source for baseball junkies and stat nerds. One of BP's big deal writers is a guy named Will Carroll.

In our daily perusing of the interwebs, we stumbled upon a story about BP perhaps being in discussion with ESPN for some type of merger or buyout. Interesting enough. But what really lit our fire was the image accompanying the story. It's Carroll with an attractive lass (chicks dig the stat-guys) at (what appears to be) IMS, with a Penske pit cart in the background!

The IndyCar Series, and their efforts to infiltrate mainstream sports... Phase one, complete.

Bob Saget wannabe foils Phoenix race

Sunday's Sprint Cup event was not a throwaway race. Interesting things could have taken place (they didn't, but they could have); it was the penultimate round of the title for godsakes! Sure, the prospects of an epic Jimmie Johnson v. Carl Edwards showdown were slim, but you'd think round 35 of 36 in the Chase for the Sprint Cup would pull more network weight than"America's Funnest Home Videos."

Yeah, you'd think.

As many of you witnessed, with 34-to-go on Sunday, most of the country's race coverage was replaced with "AFV."

The race coverage concluded on ESPN2, but still, what the fuck?

What is truly mystifying is why Disney/ABC/ESPN devotes so much time to pre-race festivities, driver intros, praying to God, flyovers, Rusty Wallace sitting behind a desk, etc., yet would even consider ending network coverage early. It makes no sense. NASCAR, in a rare moment of truthiness, doesn't get the programming logic either.

It's almost funny that the premier motor racing series in the country was treated like a bitch by TV higher-ups. NASCAR truly got the IndyCar/CART/Champ Car treatment from TV-execs. Ouch. That hurts.

If this doesn't show the masses where motor racing sits in the greater-American sport's hierarchy, nothing will.

The bigger questions raised... Who knew "America's Funniest Home Videos" was still on TV?

This story brought to you by SbB

"Hot" Carl Edwards is engaged to this lady. (She's a doctor! Nice going, Carl.)

Showing undying devotion to current sponsor Office Depot, the wedding invites were picked from OD's stationary selection and the stores' design, print and shipping services will take care of the, well, designing, printing and shipping of the cards.

On a scale of 1 to tacky, we'll give this move a 7. Remember what happened to Susan when George skimped on the invitations? Keep that in mind.

Marital Bliss, Now Brought To You By Home Depot (SbB)

Another fucking note from the editor

It has taken the better part of two weeks, enough can beer to power a bricklayers union meeting, three cheesesteak enemas, a new POTUS, and a number of truly bazaar interactions with the homeless to get somewhat recovered from the Phillies championship.

I'm back, baby. Time for some housecleaning. First order of business: what happens when the racing stops?

It's yet to be seen (or decided) how this fair site will function during the off-season. I'm thinking of a slow digression into a medium-to-hard-core porn fetish dumpster. That'll be dependant on how cold it gets. So, stay tuned!

Also, don't forget to flip over to the remaining Sprint Cup events when they're on the television light tubes. I'd say a requisite flip-from-football every hour or so should keep you abreast of Jimmie Johnson's inevitable third title.

Cheers to Lewis Hamilton & Co. Deserving title. As a victory celebration, enjoy a gallery of Formula One's First Ladies (including LH's lady-friend), and their counterparts from the world of American saloon-car racing. Until next time, keep reaching for the stars, enjoy the new POTUS and, for godsakes, don't shake the hand of a homeless guy. There could be poo in there.

-Ed.

Midnight in the garden of Broad and Walnut

Motor racing has some inherent advantages over its stick-and-ball counterparts. Fans of this interweb site surely don't need those advantages outlined. We all know what makes racing great and why we choose to spend our time watching autos circulate about. (For the un-indoctrinated, racing is exciting. We're drawn to speed, action, personalities and danger.) Motor racing is a historically rich sport that has pockets of fans that are more passionate and knowledgeable than the biggest sports bar know-it-all this side of the Schwab. Reread the last sentence, as it outlines one of the shortcomings of our fair sport. Pockets. Fucking pockets, dude.

Motor racing fans are outpost dwellers. Recluses. We’re sprinkled around the nation. Outside of Indianapolis and Charlotte fandom becomes hit or miss. (Largely miss.)

The happenings in Philadelphia last night could never be replicated in the aftermath of a motor race, no matter the city.

Baseball is the peoples’ sport. Its range and scope are far reaching. Territoriality reigns supreme. A city is associated with team, and that gives you the right to wish fucking death upon everyone from any other city. Baseball is why I hate Chicago. Baseball is why I refuse to travel to Massachusetts. Motor racing cannot replicate the blind hatred that baseball has provided the masses.

Of course, the opposite of blind hatred is blind love/passion/joy and that happened in Phila last night. I got hugged by a stranger because I was wearing a $12 Pat Burrell t-shirt. Said stranger was bombed and probably thought I was Burrell, but that’s not important. The passion was there. (Side note: I have been wearing the aforementioned t-shirt for the last week. It smells like ass, feet and rank beer. My co-workers tried to stage a Burrell shirt intervention with me. I told them to eat a dick. Then Burrell hit the most important double in recent history and I felt like a goddamned king. I want to be buried in this fucking shirt.) The entire city came out and relished in the achievement of the city’s team. The Phillies won for the town. Sports are all Philadelphia has. The Phillies made millions of eastern-PA’ers not depressed to be living in eastern PA. Only a stick-and ball-sport could do that. Sorry motor racing. I love you, but...

Maybe I’ll try to change things. Beware, at the season opening IndyCar event, I’m going to hug everyone in sight if Graham Rahal wins. I’ll take it to the streets of New Albany. The party that will take place in Central Ohio will be epic. We will own the night. All spearheaded by this guy. Sound like a good plan?

Damn the man, burn the city, Fightins' triumph

Junior Johnson wants you to vote for Barack Obama. No, seriously.

Holy Crap!! NASCAR'S Junior Johnson comes out for Obama (Daily Kos)

Monday morning dispatch from "Angryville"

If you haven't noticed (judging by Sitemeter, you haven't) things have been awfully slow around here for the past few weeks. The motor racing season is winding down, and quite honestly, I can't seem to get motivated to write solely about NASCAR for a month plus. I can't even make myself watch the damn "Chase" races anymore. Everything about NASCAR has made my skin crawl of late. I can't watch the ABC/ESPN pre-race show, the driver introductions are extraneous and painful, the invocation makes me want to vomit on my penis, and the races are too damn long. This should to be the most exciting time of the season, but, alas, it has become the most tedious.

I could be getting fired-up for the conclusion of the F1 season, but, alas, I can't watch the races because Comcast doesn't carry Speed where I live. I could have watched the IndyCar finale (?) in Australia, but, alas, Comcast removed ESPN Classic from my basic digital package when the college football season started.

A major racing distraction has been the Phillies, and their improbable post season run. Much of my time has been spent following the team, pounding beers and my fist to the tune of a possible World Series 'w.' Goddamnit, I love baseball. This town will burn to the bloody ground should the Fightins' pull this thing out. I will be there to see the carnage and bask in the glory. Sorry NASCAR, you've been bumped from my mind.

Things will be back to normal soon enough. I still like the NHRA. I promise.

Let us all have a great race week. Go Phillies. Fuck Tampa. Here's Joe Fucking Blanton going yard:



-Ed.

Weekend recap

What you missed while not reading the world famous Ridebuyer NASCAR preview.

- Lewis Hamilton won the Chinese Grand Prix on Sunday and has pretty much wrapped the 2008 drivers' title. LH has a seven point cushion over Felipe Massa (Robert Kubica is p3, eliminated) with only the Brazilian Grand Prix remaining in two weeks. Take it away. man with accent.



Hamilton rules Chinese GP, nearly seals Formula One title

The ALMS put a period on their season at Laguna Seca. Marco Werner and Lucas Luhr scored the overall victory. (The title was wrapped at Road Atlanta.) Franck Montagny and Tony Kanaan scored the second AGR LMP2 win in three races, narrowly besting the de Ferran Motorsports squad. Olivier Beretta and Oliver Gavin took GT1 honors for Corvette Racing and Dirk Mueller and Dominik Farnbacher won GT2 in a Ferrari F430. More accent man? Hell and yes:



WERNER, LUHR CLAIM MONTEREY OVERALL VICTORY

Jimmie Johnson led 339-laps at Martinsville on Sunday. He now has a 149-point lead with The Chase at its mid point. Game over. ESPN's coverage was slated for, like, 6.5 hours Sunday afternoon. Holy. Shit.

Johnson's mastery of Martinsville puts 48 team within striking distance of title

Johnny Benson won the Martinsville Truck race. That's his fifth win of the year and gives him the points lead. Next stop, Hotlanta.

Fifth win of season vaults Benson past Hornaday for points lead

A great race week to all. Wednesday. Zero-hour. Thank about it.

Surfers Paradise outlaws boobs

Tales of the balcony scenes around the Gold Coast Indy are pretty legendary (what with the breasts and such). Those times appear to be over. It's Girls Gone Wild no-more, as local authorities are trying to curb the lewd behavior for the October 26th race.

From goldcoast.com.au:

INDY organisers have released a code of conduct for race fans staying in apartments within the track precinct.

The document was drawn up following raunchy scenes on balconies, including nudity, at last year’s race.

The day the music died.

Indy fans must sign up for clean conduct (goldcoast.com.au)

Better know your Runoffs

The SCCA National Championship Runoffs wrapped up over the weekend. 25 National Champions were crowned at Heartland Park Topeka. (Tow-Peak-Ah...)

Here's all you could every want to know about the "Olympics of motorsport."

RUNOFFS: Sunday Races Recap (speedtv.com)

Club racing, event results (scca.org)

Practice, qualifying and race results (scca.org)

Photo gallery (scca.org)

Weekend recap

What you missed while considering how easy a 26-yard field goal is to make.

Jeff Burton won his second Cup race of the season at the BoA 500 in Charlotte. Nobody got choked-out and Burton's wife was excited her man won. Kasey Kahne was charging near the end, finishing p2. Kurt Busch was third. Jimmie Johnson dropped to sixth in the final run, yet retains the points lead.

CUP: Burton Claims BofA Win

STANDINGS

Lewis Hamilton and Felipe Massa played bumper-cars in the opening laps of the Japanese GP. Neither could really regain the positions lost during the insuing drive-through penalties. Hamilton finished outside of the points, with Massa tallying a p7 following a scoring decision after the race. Some man named Fernando Alonso won the race. Hamilton holds a five point lead over Massa with two rounds remaining. Ferrari leads the Constructors' Standings by seven points.

Massa, Hamilton tangle but Alonso wins Japanese GP

Japanese Grand Prix results, current points

Sunday's Virginia NHRA Nationals saw Tony Schumacher notch his 14th win of the season. (Yeah, he's going to win the championship.) Other pro winners were Cruz Pedregon (FC) and Dave Connolly (PSC). Paul Page, that's your que (or is that cue? or queue? Christ.)

Schumacher takes Top Fuel; Pedregon, Connolly in title hunt with wins

Cheers to the race week before us. Fuck the Dodgers.

Stolen from the blogosphere

The good folks at jalopnik have provided us with scantily-clad lady pics! The lady? Bernie Ecclestone's daughter! Horray Friday! And exclamation points!

In the interest of equal time, here's something for the females. It's the Machine.

.333 in the post season, game-winning bomb last against the Dodgers, dreamy eyes....

Thank you for continued readership. Go Phils. Fuck the Dodgers. NASCAR preview will be up before the race starts. Hopefully. Maybe. Hungover.

The Chaser #5: Bank of America 500

Each week Ridebuyer delves deep into the misunderstood, oft terrifying, world of American saloon-car racing known as NASCAR.

This week: Bank of America 500 (Chase round #5)

TV: ABC 7:00pm EST (Saturday)

Location: Lowe's Motor Speedway (Charlotte, NC)

Distance: 334 laps/500 miles

Past winners: J. Gordon (10/07); K. Kahne (5/08).

*Headlocks, DDTs and why John McCain should shut up*

Everybody likes a good fight. The highlight of an evening highlighted with much drink is always the inevitable fight. The scene usually plays out in a similar way. Guy 'A,' we'll call him Derek, inadvertently bumps into Guy 'B's' girlfriend. (For the sake of story continuity, we'll call Guy 'B' Todd and his GF is certainly named either Katie or Sara. You pick.) Well, Todd took offense to way in which Derek came in contact with Katie or Sara. Derek did not say 'excuse me,' because he needed to meet up with his 'boys,' who were already 'posted up' at the bar, and in the middle of a heated game of Photo Hunt Penthouse on the MegaTouch. Todd asked Derek what his problem was. Derek tells Todd to "relax, bro." A drink gets tossed from someone. Much like the first shot at Lexington and Concord, nobody truly knows were the errant beverage originated. Regardless, the melee was on at that point. Derek and Todd grappled on the floor. Derek's 'boys' were unsuccessful in trying to break things up. Katie or Sara was in tears, the heel had broken on her cute new shoes, and her favorite Forever 21 dress was soaked with Coors Light.

Yes, fights rule.

Sports fights really rule.

Nothing brings excitement into the sports world like a good donnybrook or possibility of donnybrook. Look at the Red Sox-Rays series. The teams hate each other, the pitchers throw at everybody, and it's great.

NASCAR has attempted to clean up its image during the sport's renaissance since the collapse of Indy car racing. You can't have moonshiners and roughnecks represent your sport in this century. That just wouldn't be right. Or so was the thought. Remember when Las Vegas wanted people to think it was a family-friendly destination? That shit didn't work. Nobody wants their family to go to Vegas with them. Vegas is about gambling, hookers, drugs and booze. That is what makes Vegas cool. Same thing with NASCAR. NASCAR is about rednecks, wrecking and fistfights. That's the history of the sport. Well, NASCAR wants to be mid-90's Las Vegas. A family destination for all. Yet, in the end, fun for none.

Bucking the trend of sterility, "Hot" Carl Edwards and Kevin Harvick got into a pushing match this week at Lowe's Motor Speedway. Headlocks were involved. Sweet. It also appears that NASCAR is not planning to fine the drivers. Thank the lord. Note to NASCAR: Let the racers do their things. Fights are good. Embrace your roots.

Oh, there will be some McCains in Charlotte for the race. Great. Way to bring politics into a goddamned motor race. Not only will every other commercial be a political ad, now this? Shouldn't you be the fixing the economy or something.

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With that, we'll conclude our abbreviated preview. Your humble scribe wants to watch the rest of the Red River Shootout and needs to recovery couch-side from last night's triumphant Phillies victory. Brett Myers is a beast.

Here is everything you need to know.

Starting lineup

Points
Tailgating

Next race: TUMS QuikPak 500 ( Martinsville Speedway). Short track? I know not what you speak.