Baron, brand new. It was powered by a 2.5 L four-cylinder engine and featured a three-speed automatic transmission. The car was a total shitbox. I know this because it was purchased at McMahon's Chrysler in Whitehouse, Ohio by my father. The air conditioning never worked, the transmission slipped, ominous noises emanated from every corner and the damned thing leaked oil. That car sucked. No one ever had sex in a 1992 Chrysler LeBaron; not me, not you, not John fucking Holmes. This car marked the official end of the American automobile industry. Since '92, no passenger car produced by the so-called Detroit Three was purchased in this country. Not one. Now, everybody feels the pain.
No location felt the brunt of despair more than Michigan, the state built on the shoulders of American auto workers. Detroit became a state of marshal law, with any remaining auto-execs forced to attempt river passage into Windsor, Ontario and the possibility of brighter days. The 1992 LeBaron was not the only cause for the collapse, but it was the final straw. There would be no recovering for the Detroit Three. Sure, cars still get made in factories across Michigan, and boardrooms hold meetings about warranties and employee pricing options, but does anyone (aside from pickup truck buyers) care? Nope. If you want a car that is inexpensive, gets reasonable fuel mileage, and wont shit the bed after 60,000 miles, you have to buy a foreign car. No exceptions.1) Residents of MI have no concept of the rules, regulations, and common courtesies associated with operating an automobile. None.
2) As outlined in HBO's phenomenal documentary The Rivalry, the entire state of Michigan smells "like hot-dog water."
3) People in Michigan are still very upset about the outcome of the Toledo War. (This is not a joke.)
*What to know:
Start anywhere: Winning at MIS only has one prerequisite: you must start from the inside the top-30. The last two winners at MIS started from 12th and 15th respectively (C. Edwards and Ku. Busch). In fact, starting on the pole has recently proved detrimental, as both '07 bell-enders finished outside the top-25. The track is so wide and multi-grooved, that well handling cars should have no problem going from back to front and vice versa. Consider 2000, where Tony Stewart won this race from the 28th starting position. You just gotta be in it to win it.
Foreigners invade: For the first time in the history of stock car racing at MIS, a foreign marque has a better than average shot at winning. A Toyota victory in the backyard of Ford, General Motors, et al would be a major slap in the face to NASCAR's old guard. Clearly Joe Gibbs Racing is the front runner to field a winning car on Sunday. (Both Denny Hamlin and Tony Stewart have career-average MIS finishes inside the top 15. Only points-leader Kyle Busch has had limited success in Brooklyn.) Red Bull Racing has even looked racy of late, plus Brian Vickers and Dave Blaney both scored top-10's in the second MIS event last season. At this point in the season, a Toyota win (regardless of the track) should shock no one. MIS is not an exception.
Chevrolet sucks: The last time a Chevy pulled into victory lane at MIS? 2001. June 10th, to be more specific. Since that race, 13 Cup events have been contested at MIS, with Ford claiming six wins and Dodge taking seven. Don't bet on Hendrick Motorsports to break out of their slump this weekend. Sorry, Junior-Nation. Roush-Fenway and Penske will be the only hope for flag-wavers.
1) Kyle Busch
2) Jeff Burton
3) Dale Earnhardt Jr.
4) Carl Edwards
5) Denny Hamlin
6) Jimmie Johnson
7) Greg Biffle
8) Jeff Gordon
9) Kasey Kahne
10) Kevin Harvick
11) Clint Bowyer
12) Tony Stewart
Next race: Toyota/Save Mart 350. Wait, you mean, we have to turn left... and right? I just can't comprehend the situation.


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